Knitting for Boozehags

Okay, first off, I'm thinking that SOMEONE has to MODEL the bevin tank for my pattern album thingy. Alotta folks are like "Hmmm, I think that I really like that BEVIN tank that that boozehag chick made, but alas, I can't SEE what it looks like, so I'm really up in the air about it!"
(The reason it wasn't modeled was most likely due to the infamous DHL mishap, where they actually sent it to Texas, rather than TORONTO, AFTER the deadline, so it literally got into the issue by the skin of it's teeth)
Who wants the jobby job?
I'm super excited to go to Baltimore! But I'm getting the impending feeling that it's going to be literally a whirlwind and fuzzy blur of faces and names! EVERYONE is going!
Check in with us if you are going! Kaitlyn has set up an evite for y'all! Click here to join!!!
Anyways, ladies, ladies... put your hands together and give me a round of applause if you will... (drumroll please)
I, Christine Jane Buhagiar, domestic dutchess and former problem child, went and got a LEARNING PERMIT this very afternoon!!
WHOOOOOOOOOO! And it only cost me 5 bucks. Legally one has to obtain and posess a drivers permit for a period of 30 days, so I have my driving test MAY 31st!!!! That's right, you on the sidewalks heard me! So watch out!
I feel 15, retardedly so...
But alas, Rhode Island, I STILL hate your guts! You can't rope me back in that easily, my old nemesis.
Oh, and my little "DMV CONSPIRICY THEORY"??? I think I posted that on Sarah's blog and maybe not here, but I had this theory that there was a black, evil, elitist division of the R.I. dmv that's sole purpose was to infuriate, exasperate, frustrate and generally break good people's will to live.... After chit chatting to a few employees today (I will not name names or branch locations for their protection, of course... we need more folks like these in our corner, man!) I WAS RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!! There's 2 ancient, crochety, evil, sadistic, plotting, sceming, devious withered up old hags who are the driving force behind it! There's been meetings and hearings and everything! One of them just got the boot, so the other is still in there, hopefully she'll die or something and a kinder, more understanding, NICER, younger, un-bitter replacement will come in and straighten that joint out..
That's right, though, I'm like 3/4 legal beagle, upstanding and law abiding pillar of society! (okay, okay, that's pushing it)
No matter how responsible or grown up I ever become 3 things/mottos will ALWAYS apply to my DEATH!!
1) FUCK THE MAN!
2) ANTI-AUTHORITY
3) COUP D'ETAT!!!
That's right! I'll be an eccentic old hag with my knitting out on my sovereign 2000 acre piece of land in some remote mountain top and be living off the land, or some other equally inane scenario involving moonshine and guns.

Thanks everyone for the kind bday wishes! (Joy and Sarah, I'm going to email you later, I am pooped right now!)
Just thought I'd tell the world that I'm ALMOST a legal beagle!!! (opposed to the regal beagle, I suppose....3's company anyone? After today I could use a stiff one at a bar, lemme tell you!)
I paid 250 to narragansett, 250 to providence, 475 to the state of r.i., 150 to the town of pawtucket, 75 re-instatement, I just paid..............$1, 200 us dollars!
But that's not the best part, oh no, it gets way better... I CAN'T GET MY LICENSE BACK FOR ANOTHER 2 WHOLE MONTHS (unless I can schedule a drivers test sooner, unlikely!) So I get to shell out ANOTHER 60 bucks, plus registration, PLUS WHATEVER THEY ARE GOING TO WHACK ME FOR THE TEST!!!!!!!!!!!
It's official.... I HATE YOU RHODE ISLAND! I really, truly do! WHat other state makes you run around the entire state to accomplish ONE thing? And who is the brainiac who has operator control and ritt 20 minutes away from each other?? How are people (other than me who has the luxury of having a good friend lawyer and chauffer) who don't have a license supposed to get to all these places? It's meant to drive folk's mad! Like they have a panel of assholes who come up with more ways to make everything THAT much more harder and THAT much more expensive and THAT much more exasperating!
I SIGNED the paper, the chick ALMOST gave me the license and BOOM the guy from operator control uploads this test b.s. into the computer! GRRRRRRRRRRRR!
I know, I know, it's my fault for pretending I'm Shirley Muldowney but I think after forking out so much cash, I deserve a LITTLE break here (other than my proverbial balls, that is)
I'm frustrated, broke and tired, off to knit the stress out..

An early birthday present, along with 2 sets of clover circulars! Okay, okay, I had to send him to the lys with a handwritten note to them, but I would venture to say that sending your husband to the lys is not very much unlike asking him to go to the store for tampons!
Speaking of birthdays, cough, gasp, wheeze.. Mine falls on this wednesday. Zoinks! But the real reason I am mentioning it is that Lucia shares the same birthday as me! Weird! Interesting! Neat!
In other news, I must be slowly coming out of my funk. Perhaps it's because there is sun outside? (Not that I can go anywhere, brakes!) Not that I am happy-go-lucky again, YET. But I do feel that I can at least laugh at myself again. This past week was just too weird. Complete Murphy's Law. (not the band) It was very frustrating.
I was excited to see that my good friend Donna is in today's paper, and it's NOT POLICE BEAT! (haha, kidding Donner!) No, remember how I said I might join a roller derby team? Guess what was in today's lifebeat section? Along with a qoute from Donna (aka Betty Blackeyes)!
Can I just inform you that the providence journal's webpage is the worst thing to navigate, and I had to fill out a zillion fields all so I can't link it? Anyways, I'll insert the quote here MYSELF!!! arrrgh. (see murphy's law applies still)
"you wanna play, you gotta pay!" Said Betty Blackeyes, a statuesque 29-year old from portsmouth who was nursing a sore back after several eye-popping spills on the rink. "It's all good". (How terribly RI of you, Donner, you should have just said "it's WICKET AWESOME!"
That's all for now. Sigh.

I know, I have been such a bad blogger lately! I really don't have any excuses either! My car has NO BRAKES right now, and it seems that I have started, ripped out, discarded or abandoned a million projects. I'm going through this whole weirdo knitting phase where nothing is coming out right. My hands are seriously killing me which I think is a main contribution to all that. Plus I have been obsessively bullheaded over this stupid, horrid wildflowers dk cotton that is driving me to the brink of insanity. I should just throw it away, it's the worst yarn I have EVER had the misfortune to buy/work with!!!!!! If you look at these 2 pics, you can see that on the strands, the yarn is just split and atrocious looking..

Also, it's really 50/50 on whether I will be going to Maryland. My greasy lawyer pal Joey just informed me that it is going to cost me about double the original estimate to get my license back!!!!! $1,110 dollars to be exact. Which means that even if I do the irresponsible thing and go to Maryland, I will literally go home empty-handed (or maybe not, but either way is bad news). So I may not even have an i.d. to go with. You would think being (almost) 32 I wouldn't need to show an i.d., but I get carded every damn time!! So I am really stressing over the decision, which is why I haven't gotten back to Sarah. I am torturing myself with the pros and cons!
One bit of good news is that I finally recieved my yarn! Mary-Margaret, no, no... YOU are the sadist! This is going to take a loooooong time to knit and on small needles, I have no option but to use alot of "zostrix".
Speaking of Zostrix, I swiped this from my dad. It's for arthritis. I think it's infused with cayenne pepper, I swear to god, while it's been a savior to me, if you rub your eyes, 2 seconds later it feels like little pygmies are camping out on your eyeballs and stabbing them with burning hot spears of fire! OUCH! And naturally, right after every application, I space and rub my eyes, as if on cue.

What else? It's totally ugly gray weather. I'm incredibly bored and I am literally stuck in the house. Anthony's new car for some reason or the other, doesn't have any seatbelts in the back, so switching car seats is not an option. God, I wish I had better things to report but all in all this week really sucks!
I'll be putting a few pics in later on, but I'm in the middle of swatching my new yarn, which is a tedious task, but a neccessary evil nonetheless.
Don't you just hate days like these?

Even though I KNOW better, I totally spaced and forgot to save my post! They REALLY NEED TO REMOVE THAT STUPID THING! Argh!
I got tagged by Sarah (here we go with they re-typing)
This will be an embarrassing variable cornucopia of my "tastes" I'm not remembering how I read all of those "smart" books in my youth, ones that made you ponder life's great infinite void or purpose here!
So here goes.
Total number of books in your house:
Okay, I'm looking at about 60 - 70 right now, there are more in boxes somewhere though.

The last book you bought was:
"Knitting on the Edge" by nicky epstein (a must have)

What was the last book you read before reading this?
Aside from the obvious, THE DAVINCI CODE by dan brown

Write down 5 (or 6) books you often read or that mean a lot to you.
Welllllllll, they might not mean anything per se, but I remember enjoying quite a bit....
1) Motley Crue's "the dirt" (jam packed with l.a. sleaze) This makes me feel VERY.... click here to find out
2) I went through a tortured quasi feminist stage in my early teens and my only hope, salvation, and encouragement came in the form of THIS WOMAN and in particular THIS BOOK I can still remember a line about how she was looking forward to her menopause and how she'd celebrate by burning her tampons in effigy! I still think she's one of the coolest gals around.
3) Anne Rice, Clive Barker, Stephen King, yadda yadda, lot's of horror and crime/mysteries
4) The obvious, my ever growing library of any and all things knitting related.
5) Lot's of fruity meta-physical, numerology, astrology, and pagan based stuff.
6) I remember in my early 20's really digging "the modern girl's guide to life" Very informative. I still have it somewhere. In fact most of the books I own and the majority that I read are fairly instructional based, I'm a can-do how-to kinda gal. Think Bob Villa and Martha Stewart but on speed. (Yes, that means I actually LIKE to work on cars, sew, knit, lay down a new floor, fix my plumbing, cook, etc.. Everything except electricity after having a bad introduction to it and getting blown off a metal - i know DUMB - step stool while trying to fix a light in an old apartment, not realizing that it was connected to everyone else's power and yes, ensuing in a black out for all 3 floors)
Who are you going to pass the stick to (three people) and why?
Well, I just sent one to Miss Mary-Margaret! (Because I think she is super smart and interesting and will have the most impressive answers, so I can feel like I dun gone and grat-you-ated jr. high! hahah kidding)
Morgan - because for one, she hasn't posted in way too long and I think she'll also provide very interesting answers as well that will make me wish "I SAID THAT!"
And finally, I think I'll tag Lucia and fully initiate her into our evil ladies of leisure clan, muwahahahaha quizzes for Loooooo-ceee-ah! Muwahahahaha *maniacal laughing and wringing of hands*

It is so gorgeous outside, which is precisely why I am going to try and not write a mini-novella and get outside! But here's what's happening..
Yesterday we went to Kathryn's house, Helena ate finding nemo fruit chews, ensuing result=bright green poo. Ensuing result=freaked out me, untill I realized it was the candy,]
Went to the beach! Helena got soaked, went home and she used her potty for the FIRST TIME! (ensuing result=a very ENTHRALLED me!)
Went to my first knitting group, late, got lost, and one of the ladies was a friend of my mom's who says "Oh you're the 'problem' child! How nice to meet you!" Hahahahahaha! Apparantly my wild days are STILL catching up with me. I came back and told my mom and we both laughed because the title of my blog would suggest that I am a 'problem' adult! (For those who don't know, my teens and early 20's were most certainly all about rebellion in any and all forms possible, but it was destined with my mother being as super-conservative as she is, we still can't figure out if she's become more open minded or if I have finally "grown-up") But it was really fun nevertheless, everyone was super nice, Kristin took some photo's...

Lucia has added a bunch of new tools on her site, which I will post links to later and I'm also adding a new lelah to the gallery from Janin!
So more details later!

Okay, Sarah from STITCH! invited me to go with her and co.! SO I am going! Even though it means that I am going to be mildly freaked out because it will be the FIRST night I have EVER been apart from my lil' Helena! (Somehow I think this will be much more traumatic on me than on her)
The plan is to leave friday, spend the night and festival saturday, home saturday night! (Sunday will be my second official"mother's day! teehee!)
So I was reading Kaitlyn's blog and it looks as if she and JOY are gonna go too!
WHO ELSE? Natasha, maybe???? The beauty about the east coast is that everything is such a short trip! Hell, I can drive to florida in under 24 hours! (Okay, that's a longer trip and I kinda have no use for florida, I find it repulsively geriatric and bland, miami although not as geriatric, I have no use for either, I really have no use for the entire state and screw them anyways with the election bullshit.. sorry to anyone who resides there, i do not mean to offend you personally)
It's a beautiful day out and I have a hammering migraine.. But I am going to try to enjoy it anyways! That's all for now!
Oh except for an open note to Heide.... Everytime your blog finishes loading, I get an error message (you know the kind with the !) and my computer shuts off, which is why I haven't been visiting lately! I can't leave you a message!

My friend Adrian, one of the coolest and nicest guys around actually locates weirdo knitted stuff on the net and sends me links! Here is the latest, it's knitted super-hero costumes! Wacky!!!

Oh and I may be joining a roller derby team, yes, I am serious~

More sheep and wool info HERE

This is going to be an excellent example of what not to do when designing and WHY you shouldn't be lazy and do swatches. And how certain yarn sucks.
But first, here's the goodies my mom got me while in chicago. Japanese soy yarn! All 2930 yards of it, which is meant to be double-stranded. While I appreciate the delicate beauty of this yarn, it'll be a while before I actually WANT to knit with it. This is where I need a winder. She also got me a couple of needle cases and stitch holders. The new fangled ones. I haven't tried them yet, call me archaic but I like the metal susan bates ones, even though I KNOW, I KNOW, these make it possible to open on either end. Whoohoo.



And here is the weirdest shirt ever! My mom said that they were selling like hotcakes. She had to get it, it was only 8 bucks. AND she said if I didn't like it for Helena, that I can wear it! That's right, it is a one size only shirt, and it DOES fit me! CRAZINESS! Here is the shirt (with my hand for ratio and the shirt on Helena........


And now, a short lesson in how NOT to go about designing.


HOW TO: Designing Disaster..
1) Buy at least 1-2 skeins less than you actually need
2) Search for size 6 circulars, find 7's and say "whatever, I do what I want!"
3) DON'T bother doing a tiresome swatch, live dangerously and WING it.
4) Know the entire time that you really needed a swatch, but say "whatever, I do what I want!"
5) Don't chart out anything, so you can realize later that decreasing a bit would be best, after you have knit too much.
6) Use yarn that is unpleasant to work with, in this case grey dk weight cotton that literally falls apart.
7) Knit about 6 inches and realize because you didn't swatch, it's too big (although it wouldn't have been if you could have just waited untill you found the 6's)
8) After all the above, realize that you hate the yarn and it was totally wrong for the idea anyways. You should have just gone out and bought different yarn, but you really really wanted to use that crap up.
9) When you figure out the piece has too much uh, girth to it, show your husband so he can sigh and tsk at you, then listen to him try and talk you out of frogging it because it's ludicrous to spend so much time on something to rip it all out.

This is what I call lazy boredom knitting. And I am not mad because I knew from the moment I started that it wasn't going to work out. But what to do with that cotton?

The Rogaine, my friend Candy who is a beauty school chick, used it and she swears it works and will make your hair fuller and thicker! And apparantly, the color will come in (later)... I have to say I only tried it twice so far, but I have noticed a difference, but I also haven't been conditioning.........

There is a really nice gal Lucia and you have to check out her blog. It is by far one of the most informative, I have on many occasions, stumbled upon it when searching for answers to something! Today she has a lesson on shaping sleeves. I am telling you, she should get an award for her blog! There is a variable wealth of useful info in there, and she's so great to share it publically, with all of us!
I am so linking her. I actually had her linked a while ago, but when I tried to go there it said "this page does not exist" so I am glad to know that it was probably a typing error on my part, rather than the demise of such a great site..

Well, that's all for now. I'm really excited to see Joy's finished Lelah...
Sarah finished the shrug she designed! It's great!
It's official, we'll all be in san francisco June 14 thru 24.... I plan on hanging with Jess and Lily! That should be SO MUCH FUN!!!!!!!!

Hey thanks everyone for the compliments! I'm on knitting hiatus for a couple days, I'm burned out. I am working on a new top, but I can only muster about 16 rows a day... I think I am sick, I feel ill.
Anyways, I'm just checking in with you all. I have been meaning to write to alot of you, so anyone who hasn't heard from me, I'll get around to it soon!
My mom was in chicago at a textiles convention this past weekend and got me some soy yarn that resembles thread, and not the heavy duty kind either. Although it's beautiful, it has to be knitted on teeny tiny needles, will take forever and really give my hands the once (or even twice!) over. Which is exactly why I am taking a break now! My hands are killing me from the #2 and 3's I've been knitting with lately.
Tomorrow, I hope to be alot more enthusiastic and happy go lucky, but for now, I need a nap and maybe some sudafed.
Natasha, I can't get into your blog, or rather the side bar appears and the polka dots, but NO POSTS!
Oh, and I bought some rogaine for women because I want thicker fuller supermodel hair! If you read the bottle, it says that at first the new hair growth will be COLORLESS!!!!!!! WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm off like a dirty shirt.

Q. How do I lose a knitting needle sitting at the computer?? I can't find it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I STILL have a migraine, maybe it's the weather change, but it is excruciating nonetheless. I couldn't sleep last night. So I continued knitting Helena's dress (not crumpets, which is my next project for her) I'm doing the Debbie Bliss "dress with lace edging" and it's been a royal pain, literally, mostly in 2 fingers. The pattern itself is easy but once I switched to the #2 circulars, my hands are tormented and with all of the stockinette, it's taken forever and is tedious. I changed the band from 6 rows garter to 3 rows garter, 4 rows moss st, and then another 3 rows of garter. I'm going to run out of yarn, I'll make short sleeves instead and carry the band to the sleeves when casting on... It's taking forever!
Last night I had the windows wide open and all I could hear was the sounds of spring! It's official! It's HERE! I heard CRICKETS chirping, birds and rain! It was GREAT! I loved it!
I'm amazed at all the Lelah's popping up! There will be more in the gallery this week! I guess it's "officially" a HIT! I'm so happy and proud!
I'm mad that Sandra didnt get the Chibi needles and case I sent her! It's also official that EVERY time I send something, I get SCREWED! So I am going to go and pick her up some more stuff to send her and this time HAND PACKAGE IT, send it out myself and from now on ONLY the U.S. POST OFFICE will have my business!!!!!! I'm sick of paying out my ass so they can harass me with things being broken, going astray, or not getting there or getting there a month later! Sorry Sandra!
Joy emailed me and asked how I go about designing so I thought I would share my methods with everyone.
Yes, I do just dive into it.
Here is what I do.
I start with an idea in my head which I then sketch out. Once I am happy with the sketch I figure out my yarn and gauges. Then you measure yourself, here is a great article from knitty describing how and where to measure here, then I chart out my pattern. I usually start from the bottom up and I go to this site, type in my gauge and print out graph paper to use.
This is where it gets chaotic. Once I have my measurements and design laid out, I start knitting. As I am knitting, many things transpire. And the design will change as I go. Either I think of something better to do or I figure out something isn't going to work or that my gauge has changed, any little or major thing can alter the process. So once that happens, I just knit and knit and write down everything row by row.
I try to have a pattern before I knit, but it never works out that way. I end up winging it as I go!
My biggest piece of advice is (especially if you are knitting with delicate or expensive yarn) is to get a bunch of cheap "practice" yarn in a similar gauge and work with that first. That way it's okay to frog it and you get a basic idea of what your finished design will look like, and if it doesn't work out, it's painless to rip it and re-knit it. I knit every design at least 2 times to get it right, and even then, once I am done I torment myself with thoughts of "I could have done this, I should have added that, I should have made it tighter, looser, etc"
Alot of times as I am knitting, I'll get more and more ideas. I keep them all in a binder for future reference.
I don't think you have to be super anal about getting the schematics JUST RIGHT, I think that once you have begun, alot of things just fall into place as you go.
I know alot of you are starting to design yourselves or want to start, so I am going to take detailed notes on the process with my next design so you can see how it's done. It's challenging, but it is so much fun. If you can read a pattern, you can design one.
Start paying attention to every pattern you knit, notice decreases and increases and the intervals. Pay attention to how the armholes and necks are shaped. There are so many possibilities. What way do you like to knit things best? From the top to bottom, bottom to top, in one piece, do you like to include a "built-in" neckline or do you like going back and picking up stitches?
Take a piece of clothing that fits you really well, measure it! Use it as a basis for a design. ANYTHING can be knitted providing you choose the correct yarn with the correct needles. By that I mean you can knit a skirt, but a chunky yarn with medium needles is going to make you look like a padded linebacker. A light weight yarn with good drape will be flattering. This does not apply to everything though. Lelah was made with worsted wool for instance, not a likely candidate for a lacy baby-doll tube top, but it CAN work.
Instead of looking at knitted items, I look at sewn clothing and then try to duplicate the look but with yarn. Look at the shape of an item and incorporate that into your design.
There are a few good books out there on designing. Go to the library and pick up ones from the 70's. They are so simplistic and give a bare bones primer. Knitting back then was nowhere near as complicated! Yarns were more interchangeable..There weren't 300 different ways to decrease with 600 different names for a decrease. I think one of the major reasons people have problems with patterns and are scared to knit has to do with all of the super lingo and lack of cohesive directions. Sometimes I feel like only a Rhodes Scholar can translate some of them. So many patterns I have knitted were in actuality SUPER SIMPLE but worded so wonky, it was frustrating to make. And then once you figured it out, you get angry. "Why couldn't they just say decrease every row? or something retarded like that.
Check out this book from Deborah Newton, it's my BIBLE.
I know that this rambling probably didn't clear things up all that much, but it's a start. Like I said, I will record my next design and share the "how I did it" which is easier for me to explain